Just the Facts, Ma'am

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Ramblings, More Fun at LAPD

By Hal Collier

Retired LAPD

Ok, some more fun from the Los Angeles Police Department, once called the finest police department in the world. That’s is until the politicians and the media changed the public’s perception. 


We are still the best but after a few years of criticism and politicians dictating how police work should be done, a lot of officers saw the only way for career survival was to do little and avoid confrontations. Ok, I’m going to carefully back down off my soap box and get back to fun.

I never worked Detectives but some of the best practical jokes ever played occurred in the detective room at Hollywood Station. Remember the detective’s desk drawer lined with a plastic bag and filled with water? Detectives always seem to have spare time. 

I think just about every Homicide Detective had a can of shaving cream close by. No, not to take care of that 5 o’clock shadow! 

A detective would load up the earpiece of a detective’s desk phone with shaving cream and then summon the target detective to pick up line two. According to plan the detective would pick up the phone and hold it up to his ear and immediately get a 1/4 ounce of shaving cream packed into his ear. The entire squad room would laugh and the detective would spend the next thirty minutes in the bathroom removing shaving cream from his ear.

One day, detective John set up a partner who had been riding him for wearing the same C&R suit for a week. The detective John loaded up the target detective’s phone with shaving cream. John was distracted by the target detective who maneuvered him to his desk. Another detective informed the detective John to pick up line two. That’s right John picked up the phone on the target detectives desk and caught himself in his own joke. He had shaving cream in his ear and on his C&R suit. Funny.


Another favorite was to tell a detective you have a message to call Detective Meoff at headquarters. Here’s his name and phone number. The detective would dial the number and ask for Detective Meoff.


Detective Meoff! 

I was told to call this number and ask for Detective Jack Meoff!!!!  Jack me off; get it? 

Ok, a little juvenile but that’s your tax dollars at work.



4 comments on “Ramblings, More Fun at LAPD

  1. Bob
    December 20, 2015

    The ink pad to the ear was more fun because they would not realize it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Geoff Eaton
    March 13, 2016

    Yes many a fun time as a detective playing jokes on your mates. I am from Australia. We got a dummy body (with a knife in the back of the head) one night at the airport, put in the boot of our car and started a night of terror. Around to the local police station where the on-duty unform member was fast asleep. Kocked-off his cells keys and then put our body in a cell and put the prisoner (his only one) in another cell. Hung ours and waited. An hour later he does his prisoner check to find one hanging. That was one member who never went to sleep on night shift again. As for the toilet seat I know some of my detectives had much pleasure putting “gladwrap” under the women police toilet seat and wait for an outcome. One got caught as he would occasional use the women’s toilet and the trick had been set. Very wet pants.


    • Thonie Hevron
      March 14, 2016

      Happy to hear from Down Under coppers! Seems that being pranksters is a universal relief valve.


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This entry was posted on December 20, 2015 by in Ramblings by Hal and tagged , , .

Cop Talk

For all things about cop culture-the work, the family, the days off.

The purpose of this page is to educate writers of all genres to be accurate in their portrayal of law enforcement professionals. This includes meter maids (I was a "lovely Rita" many years ago), dispatcher, patrol officers, detectives, and administrators.

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Just the Facts, Ma'am posts Sundays and Fridays. Sundays scheduled writers Hal Collier, Ed Meckle, Mikey, and John Schick take us through the days and nights of those who protect and serve.
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