Just the Facts, Ma'am

Thonie Hevron; bringing you the stories behind the badge

Ramblings: More Practical Jokes

By Hal Collier, Retired LAPD

Practical Joke:  I never passed up a chance to lighten the mood and when an opportunity presented itself I usually jumped at it. Now, sometimes it takes planning and some logistics are involved.


Here’s my story. I was eating at a small Italian restaurant with my partner and we were joined by Steve and his probationer, Coleen. We were on our second cup of coffee when Coleen excused herself to go to the bathroom. Coleen had blond hair and blue eyes and was a real looker. It was said she had a crush on Steve but then a lot of probationers had crushes on their first training officer. Coleen came back from the restroom and being a trained police officer, I noticed she had an embarrassed look on her face.  


mens bathroom.pngI asked if everything was ok and she said well sort of. I have interrogated hundreds of suspects so I pressed her for an answer. She said, “I’ll tell you but you have to promise not to tell anyone else, I’d be too embarrassed.”

Ok, we all promised!

Coleen said she went to the restroom and common with most women, she had to sit to take care of business. She was sitting and holding her gun belt up off the bathroom floor when in walked a man. This bathroom didn’t have stalls, so Coleen calmly said, “I’ll be done in a moment.” 

The man excused himself. She then discovered she had walked into the men’s bathroom. Being a rookie, she missed the men’s room sign on the door and the fact that a urinal is seldom in women’s bathrooms, and well, she’s not detective material, yet!

We kind of laughed but also understood her embarrassment, except for Steve. He started telling other officers around the station. I noticed Coleen’s uneasiness and asked her if she wanted to get even with Steve.

She jumped at the opportunity. I set my plan in motion. As with any good practical joke you may need some help. I included my wife who was often a co-conspirator in my pranks. I had her get an old granny bra from her mother. I slipped the bra into Steve’s riot helmet bag and told my sergeant that we needed to have a helmet bag inspection. The sergeant thought the plan was perfect. 

granny-bra-lenouveausoutiengorge1906After roll call the sergeant had all the officers line up with their helmet bags in the station car port. The sergeant would inspect every other helmet bag. He finally came to Steve’s.  The look on Steve’s face when a woman’s bra fell out of his bag was worth the price of admission. He was speechless and Coleen smiled all day.

Hell, I could have bought an expensive Wonder Bra and it would have been worth it.

Back to the blood and guts of patrol!  



2 comments on “Ramblings: More Practical Jokes

  1. marilynm
    January 22, 2017

    Good one!


  2. Thonie Hevron
    January 22, 2017

    Thanks, Marilyn!


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This entry was posted on January 22, 2017 by in Ramblings by Hal and tagged , , , .

Cop Talk

For all things about cop culture-the work, the family, the days off.

The purpose of this page is to educate writers of all genres to be accurate in their portrayal of law enforcement professionals. This includes meter maids (I was a "lovely Rita" many years ago), dispatcher, patrol officers, detectives, and administrators.

I have many resources in my 35 year career in California law enforcement. I index and explain common errors that found in all media. Guests will also post about police professionalism today and tomorrow as well as historical articles about the way things used to be, "back in the day".

Examples of police media myths: missing persons cannot be reported by anyone but the family; missing persons reports can't be taken until the subject has been missing 24 hours; all cops eat donuts.

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Just the Facts, Ma'am posts Sundays and Fridays. Sundays scheduled writers Hal Collier, Ed Meckle, Mikey, and John Schick take us through the days and nights of those who protect and serve.
Friday postings feature authors sharing their thoughts about this journey we call authorship.
Extra postings will include California 'Officer Down' notices or something special. I will update progress of my current literary project as they develop.
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