Just the Facts, Ma'am

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Ramblings: It Happens Every Year

 

By Hal Collier, Retired LAPD

It happens every year at this time. It’s called, “Flu Season.”  That’s right. It strikes without warning and it can bring grown men to their knees. It affects men, women and kids alike and even can cause weakness in the elderly. 

woman-beside-a-man-suffering-from-cold

Man with a cold

The news channels warn of its pending coming just like it was a hurricane. Suddenly, it’s upon us and were helpless to fight off the symptoms. It’s starts with a weakness in the knees and quickly spreads to the whole body. You know it will pass in a few weeks but it’s too late, you’re already consumed. It has a grip on your body.

 

You go out in the city and there are reminders everywhere. Stores have signs, especially those with pharmacies. Be prepared, plan ahead, but it might be too late. Your doctor has warned you to resist but your past listening to his advice.

 

It can strike at the market or even in your home. Sometimes it hits you with a phone call. You just never know. It can be passed on to you by a young relative or a complete stranger. I don’t know why but their usually female and very cute.

 

Most aren’t able to resist. Sometimes you see it coming and other times it ambushes you. You ignore the symptoms but you suspect they’ve already invaded your body. Is there a cure, yes. But it takes a lot of self-control on your part. 

 

It starts out like this: it’s a beautiful day and you feel good. Then it strikes you suddenly from out of nowhere. Then you hear those immortal words, “Hey mister, do you want to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?”

 

You quickly look around for a place to escape but in your heart, you know there is no escape. You’re trapped. They have a table loaded with cookies that your doctor told you to avoid. Well, maybe just one box and I’ll give it to my neighbor. Huh, who are you kidding? You don’t like your neighbor that much. You buy six boxes, sometimes all Thin Mints, and you know that your neighbor will never see any of them.

 

You’re only going to buy one box and then that little girl looks up at you. You see her mother or troop leader watching nearby. You’ve got it bad this year. Oh, what the hell—give me six boxes.

gs-cookies

Thin Mints

Ok you’ve got it—the bug. How are you going to deal with it? They come with different crazy names like Do-Si-Dos, Samoas, Trefoils, and Dulce de Leche. For us less sophisticated, there are Thin Mints and Chocolate Chip. They have others including a gluten free cookie, but they’re not sold everywhere. 

 

Where did I put my fat pants? You might also have a granddaughter who will be calling soon and you’ll have to buy another six boxes. Wait, are Girl Scout cookies tax deductible? It doesn’t matter. It’s the American thing to do. I challenge you to do your part. There’s no “Flu Shot” for this season and in less than a year it will hit again.

                                                                                                                                                                   Hal

 

P.S. I have personal knowledge that Thin Mints will keep in the freezer for over two years. They’re great with a cold glass of milk!

Hal

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One comment on “Ramblings: It Happens Every Year

  1. fuzthatwaslapd7612
    February 26, 2017

    HILARIOUS AS ALWAYS HAL , I GOT AMBUSHED AT THE MARKET, $ 5 BUCKS A BOX
    BY THE WAY THE LEMON ARE REALLY REALLY GOOD…… 7612

    Like

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This entry was posted on February 26, 2017 by in Ramblings by Hal and tagged , , .

Cop Talk

For all things about cop culture-the work, the family, the days off.

The purpose of this page is to educate writers of all genres to be accurate in their portrayal of law enforcement professionals. This includes meter maids (I was a "lovely Rita" many years ago), dispatcher, patrol officers, detectives, and administrators.

I have many resources in my 35 year career in California law enforcement. I index and explain common errors that found in all media. Guests will also post about police professionalism today and tomorrow as well as historical articles about the way things used to be, "back in the day".

Examples of police media myths: missing persons cannot be reported by anyone but the family; missing persons reports can't be taken until the subject has been missing 24 hours; all cops eat donuts.

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Just the Facts, Ma'am posts Sundays and Wednesdays. Guest writers Gerry Goldshine, Hal Collier, Melissa Kositzin and sometime Woody Hoke take us through the days and nights of those who protect and serve. Extra postings will include California 'Officer Down' notices or something special. I will update progress of my current literary project as they develop. --Thonie Hevron

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